A Distant Angel
by Spike868
Summary: Buffy found Angel too late after NFA. He was beyond help, but she wouldn't give up. Then there was a breakthrough. R & R.
1. Chapter 1

ralA Distant Angel

Buffy had never seen her beloved Angel in this state before. He was motionless, silent and seemed even more distant whenever she spoke to him.

'Angel.' She whispered to him. 'It's okay, you're safe now.' She tried so hard to comfort him but was unsure what she could really do to help. Everyone he knew was dead.

It had been year and four months since Buffy had found Angel in Los Angeles. He was in a similar state back then. He wouldn't talk, he wouldn't move and he wouldn't even acknowledge that Buffy or anyone else was there.

Buffy and her friends had managed to save Illyria, but only for a short time. A few months after the battle she was killed by a warlock Buffy then slayed. But she had been around long enough for Buffy to understand. She now knew everything. She knew how much Angel must be hurting inside, and she could do nothing about it. All she could do was watch her beloved sit quiet and alone in the corner or the dirty little basement.

Giles had visited a few times, trying to bring him out of the trance using magicks. He failed, and then Willow tried. She also failed, and as a group they decided there was nothing they could do for Angel. But Buffy wouldn't allow him to be killed.

'I can't do that to him Giles! Not again. There must be something we can do.'

'Buffy, I'm sorry. Angel has suffered a great loss and he's doing this himself. He can come out of it anytime, but it's up to him. His loss has made him form a barrier around himself that is unbreakable. He won't respond to sound or touch and no matter how many times you visit him he will always be this way. Buffy, there is nothing that you can do now. It's too late.' Giles regretted what he had to tell Buffy, knowing how much it hurt her.

Since Spike died, Buffy had been distant herself. But she hadn't shut herself off from everyone and everything. She found others ways to deal, like taking up boxing. It seemed to help her, and in time she was better. But with Angel, things were different. He couldn't do anything to deal. He had watched his friends die, and despite everything he'd lived through it cut into him so deep that he just couldn't bear it. Buffy had found him a few days too late to help him.

**One year and four months earlier**

'Spread out, search above and under everything. He has to be here somewhere, and we have to find him. We're running out of time.' Buffy gave the orders and everyone began the search.

Willow, Xander, Dawn, Faith, Giles, Buffy and a few Slayers searched the deserted alley for any signs of life. Giles made the first discovery, finding the bruised and battered body of a woman.

'Oh God, Fred!' Willow exclaimed, recognising the girl immediately.

'Willow, I'm sorry.' Buffy whispered as she hugged her friend.

'It's alright.' Willow answered, before suddenly realising... 'She's alive!' With the help of Giles and a healing spell, Willow healed her old friend and helped her to her feet. She rose awkwardly, standing tall with her hair just as straight and smooth as it ever was. Her blue colour was bright and caused Willow and everyone else to wonder if Fred was alright.

'Humans. So many.' She whispered.

'Fred?'

'Fred is the shell. I am Illyria, God-king of the primordium. Who are you?'

'Fred?' Willow asked again.

'Fred is gone. She died when I came to be.'

'Oh God...' Willow murmured. 'You killed Fred!' She lashed out at Illyria, throwing a punch that Illyria caught easily.

'I do not wish to fight you... Willow.' She said, cocking her head to the side. 'I have fought enough battles lately and I only wish to rest now.' She wandered away from the crowd and then turned back as Buffy called for her.'

'What battle?'

'The battle against the Black Thorn. I do not know much more than this, except that I was to kill demons to stop evil. Angel fought bravely in the battle, but I lost sight of him along time ago. Gunn is dead, as is Spike. It was a bloodbath, and I was next.'

Buffy tried to take it all in. Spike was back? When? How? She couldn't plague herself with these questions now, she had to find Angel. 'Keep looking. Angel must still be here somewhere.' The team spread out again, continuing their search.

A few hours later, the sun was setting. They had found another body, which Illyria had identified as Gunn. She had told Giles as much as she could about the battle, and when she last saw Angel. Things weren't looking good for his survival. It had been two days since the battle had taken place, according to Illyria. And that was the last time she saw Angel. Two days he had been out here, somewhere.

The worst thought that Buffy had was that he had been caught by the sun's rays and was now dead. But she wasn't prepared to give up the search, despite that she was cold, hungry and tired after an entire day's worth of searching in the dirty little alley for him. Illyria had even helped with the search after her conversation with Giles. Then Buffy heard Xander call.

'Buffy! I found him!' Buffy instantly ran to where she heard Xander's voice. He was standing beside a fairly large hole in the side of one of the grey brick warehouses, waiting for Buffy to arrive.

'Xander, where is he?' Buffy asked, arriving at his side panting. He simply pointed through the hole. Buffy stepped forward and looked through, where she saw Angel. He was sitting in the corner of a large room filled with chunks of broken ceiling and wall. Debris was scattered everywhere, even some that had fallen around and on Angel. But still, there he sat, quiet and alone. Buffy stepped through the hole and approached him, but he didn't move.

'Angel?' She whispered, calling softly to him. He remained still, leaning against a wall that hadn't collapsed. He had pulled his knees up to his chin and was almost cowering away from everything outside. Because of his distance from the hole in the wall, he hadn't been caught in any rays of sunshine. But still, Buffy was worried for his health, his mental health. He had been in there for two days, just sitting and hiding, suffering in pain, agony and guilt. His friends were dead, all except Illyria. And she wasn't exactly someone you could call a friend.

Xander stepped through the hole behind Buffy and followed her inside. Together they began pushing and pulling, shifting anything in their way so that they could get to Angel's side. All the while, he didn't move. Eventually they cleared a path to him, and stumbled over. Buffy peeled a large chunk of ceiling off one of his legs and only then saw how extensive his pain was.

He was beaten, bloody and the leg that the piece of ceiling had fallen on appeared to be broken. His clothes were torn, and one of his shoes was missing. He must have felt awful, but Buffy couldn't get a word out of him.

'Angel! Angel, talk to me. It's Buffy.'

Silence.

'Angel!' Xander took hold of Buffy's shoulders and gently pulled her back.

'Buffy, he's not going to answer you.' He saw the defeat in Buffy's eyes, but also the strength that she was trying to hold onto. 'Let's get him out of here.' They each took hold of one of Angel's arms and lifted him up, supporting his weight on their shoulders. Allowing his legs to trail behind, they slowly carried him out of the destroyed building. They greeted Giles and the others with solemn expressions as they carefully pulled him through the gap in the wall.

'Oh my God.' Giles mumbled when he laid eyes on Angel's bruised and battered body. 'Let's get him to somewhere safe. An old friend of mine left me his place nearby. We can head there.' They gathered everyone, collected Gunn's corpse and headed out of the little alley.

**Present day**

The day that Buffy remembered all-too-well seemed to be cursing her. She never really did find out the truth about Spike, only a few details that she got from Illyria. Then Illyria died and Buffy was left alone with Angel to try and figure things out.

She was getting impatient quickly, and tired of waiting for Angel to snap out of his trance. She knew how much he was hurting and she understood everything that had happened. She knew that Angel would never work for the other side in the battle of good and evil, and couldn't believe that her friends would even think it. Wolfram and Hart was no more, and it was all because of Angel.

She spoke to him again in a reasoning voice. 'Angel, I know that you're in a lot of pain.' His eyes were vacant and he still showed no response to her words. 'But you have to snap out of this. I _need_ you to snap out of this, please. You can't keep doing this to yourself, to me. You can get better, but you need to let us help you.'

Finally, she was through with reasoning with him. She was going to break the trance, now. She stepped towards him as he sat in the cushioned chair in the corner of the room. He didn't respond to her approach. Still. She grabbed hold on his right shoulder and punched him in the face.

She had never used such force in her life before. She was sick of waiting for Angel to come round. She wanted him there to talk to her, and she wanted him now. Angel's head rolled to the side before returning to its original place. Buffy threw another punch, rolling his head again. She kept at a steady pace, punching him right in the middle of his face each time. After a few punches she feared that she'd broken his nose.

Then she lost it.

'God dammit Angel, just snap out of it!' She screamed, preparing another punch and delivering it smoothly. She caught the attention of everyone outside. Giles, Faith, Xander and Willow appeared at the door, with Dawn peering over their shoulders.

'Buffy…' Giles stumbled in and tried to stop her from pummelling Angel's face. He still didn't respond, even as she hit him again.

'Angel! Come! On!' She hit again with every word she said. Finally, after the word 'on' she hit him and got a response. Angel grunted. She paused and Giles grabbed her arm to stop her from hitting him again.

'Buffy, no.' he told her sternly.

'Angel?' she whispered, tears in her eyes. She broke free from Giles' grip and punched him again.

'Uhh.' He grunted.

'Buffy.' Giles told her off. 'Stop. It won't help.'

'Buffy threw her arms around Angel and held him tightly. She felt him move. She felt him lift his arms and wrap them around her. She felt his shoulders shaking and heard him sobbing into her hair. She just held him as he cried, not turning around to see Giles, Xander, Willow, Dawn and Faith standing in the room looking on.

'She did it.' Faith whispered quietly to the others. They watched as his body shook as he cried and as Buffy held on tight. She wasn't going to let him go. Not now, not ever.

Author's Note: I really don't know where this came from, but I think it turned out pretty good. There will be more to come, I just have to keep writing. I love writing for – it's great. I live for it; and I live for reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

A Distant Angel 2

Giles stepped forward after a few minutes and pulled Buffy's arm, trying to get her off him. Faith pried Angel's arms away from Buffy and he weakly tried to stop her.

'No.' he snarled, vamping out. He hugged Buffy tightly, keeping her close to him. He'd lost everything, and he wasn't going to lose Buffy anytime soon.

Giles had to resort to a cross to free Buffy from Angel's grasp. Even when Buffy tried to pull free, she couldn't.

'Angel, let go. We need to talk.' Giles held a cross out at him and he unwillingly released his grip on Buffy. She fell backwards and Faith and Xander caught her.

'You did it B.' Faith praised her. They all looked at Angel who had got up and backed up against a wall. Giles dropped the cross to the floor, even though Angel still had his game face on.

'Angel, listen to me. We don't want to hurt you, we just want to help.' Giles assured him. Angel's eyes darted nervously and he morphed back into his human visage. He brought his hands up to his head and ran them through his hair uncomfortably.

'Angel?' Buffy whispered in a weak and soft voice.

'Buffy…' Angel whispered, his voice breaking under pressure. 'They're all gone. All of them.' He slowly sunk to the floor, his fingers fumbling through his hair.

'Angel, it's okay. We know.' Buffy told him.

'It's all my fault. They're dead and it's because of me.' He began sobbing as he brought his knees back up to his chin again, in the same position that Buffy had found him in back in the alley.

'Angel…' Buffy wasn't sure what to say to him. He was in so much pain, and she could feel it. The others looked on in silence, still unsure of what they could do either.

Suddenly Angel looked up. He clasped his hands around Buffy's arm as she crouched in front of him.

'Buffy… help me?' He whispered. Buffy looked into his eyes and saw how torn apart he really was. There was no sense of who he was anymore. Everything he knew was gone, and everyone he loved too. All he had left was Buffy.

Author's Note: Yeah, I know. Really short. But there's more to come, I promise. I'll update soon if there are readers who want me to. :)


	3. Chapter 3

A Distant Angel 3

Angel was still very weak, since he had been in an almost catatonic state for over a year. Yet all this time Buffy had kept fighting because she knew that Angel was still in there somewhere. And now, she had saved him. She kept telling him that she would save him, bring him back. Now she had, but he still wasn't healed. He was still not well, but was at least talking to Buffy and the others now. He would speak fragments of sentences, then seem to change to a completely different person and mumble about losing everyone and everything. It seemed to happen so often that Buffy hardly ever got a straight conversation with him where he could tell her the details.

'It was horrible Buffy. We were there, fighting with all the strength and courage we had and… _all gone_. _They can't be all gone_. _Please, tell me they're still here_.' He was sitting on a couch in the living room of the small place Giles' friend had left behind. Buffy had told him that he was safe here and that they'd been here for over a year.

'Angel, I need you to do something for me.' She held out a mug. There was warm blood in it, fresh from the butchers and only just heated up in the microwave. Angel looked up, his eyes wild. He extended his arms weakly and took hold of the mug. He grasped it with both hands and brought it up to his mouth. He gingerly began sipping it, knowing that Buffy was watching him.

'Close your eyes.' He told Buffy. Buffy understood and did as he asked, and while her eyes were closed she remembered such a long time ago, seven years actually, when she had said those same words to him before she killed him. She vowed that she wouldn't kill him when she found him over a year ago. She had lived up to her vow, and planned to keep it that way.

When Buffy opened her eyes Angel had relaxed a bit. The blood had helped him settle down. Even though she had been giving him blood every day since she found him, now he was awake to appreciate it. He looked deep into her eyes.

'Buffy, please help me.' He pleaded.

'What can I do?' Buffy asked, smiling warmly.

'Can you hold me?' He asked in a quiet, whispered voice. Buffy didn't think he was being weak or pathetic, and she gladly took him up on the offer. She had longed to be in his arms again, after such a long time. She got out of her chair and sat down on the couch next to him. Angel lifted his arm and allowed her to snuggle in underneath his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around her and held her close and she did the same. His kissed the top of her head lovingly, and Buffy smiled and snuggled deeper in his embrace.

Giles, Faith, Willow and Xander entered the room while Dawn slept in her room. Giles, in the lead, stopped in his tracks when he saw Buffy and Angel.

'What is it Giles?' Willow asked as the conga-line halted to a stop. Then she saw them. It was a beautiful picture, Angel with his arm around Buffy and Buffy with her head resting on Angel's chest. They held each other close in a loving way and smiled, content. Angel was finally happy, and calm, and relaxed. Giles smiled when he saw how far Buffy had come with Angel. Faith appreciated their relationship too, and remembered the relationship that she had with Robin after the Hellmouth was closed over two years earlier.

She and Robin were close, really close. They'd become such good friends, and had even dated a few times. After realising that they were meant for each other, Robin proposed. That was two months ago. But one night when they went for a stroll in the park, they were attacked by about a dozen vampires. Robin was killed that night. Ever since Faith has visited his grave in one of Los Angeles' low-profile cemeteries. When she saw anybody happy, it made her remember what she had with Robin, and what she regretted not having anymore.

But now, watching Buffy and Angel together, something about it was different. Something about the way that they just seemed to be at ease in each other's arms made Faith realise that she didn't have to feel so bad whenever she saw people happy. She didn't know what it was or why she seemed to feel this way now, but she just seemed to understand.

She knew from a while back that Buffy and Angel had a "thing" and that their relationship was special. She knew that there were things that the two of them had seen that most people wouldn't see in their entire life. She knew that they had something, something special. Like a gift. They just seemed to be able to connect with each other on levels that no one else could. And through that they were able to comfort each other in times of trouble. Buffy had spent the past year doing just that and struggling with the fact that she might never have her beloved back in her arms.

But now, here she was, with Angel. And they were happy and at ease. Faith just watched, along with Willow, Xander and Giles as Buffy and Angel continued to hold each other close. Then she tapped on Willow's shoulder and signalled for them to leave the room. Willow pulled Xander and he followed. Giles stood for a few more moments and proudly watched Buffy. She had done so much in her short life, including dying twice. And now here she was with Angel, her first real love. Giles watched over her like a father, and never forgot one of the moments of joy he had as her watcher while she was in high school all the way back in Sunnydale.

He edged backwards, turned and walked out of the room. Once again, Buffy and Angel were alone.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to update, my computer crashed so I had to get it fixed and it nearly took a week! I was heartbroken to be without my writing for so long. But now, I'm back and I promise there will be more soon. Please tell me if it's getting boring or going off-track, cos maybe I should have left out the whole "Faith remembers" section and written something else.


	4. Chapter 4

A Distant Angel 4

Author's Note: I wrote this chapter and the last one basically one after the other so I hope it doesn't seem too rushed. :)

**Six Months Later**

Angel had been getting better every day, slowly. And now finally he was at full health. He and Buffy sparred often, maybe three or four times a week. Through the training Angel had become strong again. He had also become much more relaxed and his personality changes were so rare now that Buffy was almost ready to ask him exactly what happened back in the alley.

Angel emerged from his room; wearing a pair of black trousers Buffy had bought him and nothing else. His chest still bore the scars from the battle, even thought it was so long ago. As Angel headed to the kitchen down the hall, Buffy caught sight of him from the living room.

'Angel!' She got up and cut him off at the door to the kitchen.

'Buffy.' He said quietly. 'I didn't know you were here.'

'Where else would I be?' Buffy replied.

'I… I thought you were out, with Giles and the others.'

'No Angel, I wouldn't leave without telling you.' Buffy assured him.

'Buffy, don't think you have to tell me everything you do. I don't want to get in the way like that.' Angel turned away nervously.

'Oh Angel, no. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant I wouldn't leave you. Not after everything.' Angel smiled when he heard Buffy's voice. He took a step towards her and held her in his arms. She let him wrap his arms around her shoulders and she looked into his eyes.

'I love you, Buffy.' He said.

'I love you too, Angel.' Buffy whispered back. She smiled and leant up to kiss him. They parted and headed into the living room. Buffy led Angel over to the couch and together they sat down. She slid sideways so she was facing him and he looked innocently at her.

'What is it?' He asked.

'Angel, I've waited this long and I want to ask you something.'

'What do you want to know?' Angel asked.

'I want to know what happened back in the alley where we found you.' Buffy replied. Angel's expression changed instantly.

'I don't know if I'm ready to talk about it.' He said.

'Angel, please. Can you try? For me?' Buffy pleaded. 'I need to know what happened.'

Angel sighed. He didn't want to explain it all to Buffy. He'd spent over a year in a removed state while he tortured himself over what happened back in that horrible alley. He didn't want to surface those wounds again; he couldn't.

'Buffy, I…' He began. '…I can't. I'm sorry, I just can't yet.' He quickly got to his feet and hurried out of the room and into the kitchen. Buffy sighed and she sunk back into the couch.

Giles appeared at the doorway. 'Buffy? What is it?' He asked.

'Angel.' She simply replied.

'What about him? Is something wrong? Did something happen while we were gone?'

'Giles. Nothing is wrong. Nothing happened. It's just…' She paused. Giles looked at her, hopeful.

'What?'

'He wouldn't tell me what happened back in the alley. He's not ready. When _will_ he be ready Giles? I need to know what happened to him back then because I can't help him unless he tells me.'

'Buffy, he's been to Hell and back. Before, literally. Angel has suffered and you of all people should know that people who have suffered need time to adjust, time to get back into the swing of a normal life.'

'Giles, he doesn't _have_ a normal life. We don't live a normal life here. We're still fighting demons several times a week, and it's no different than before. The only thing that's changed is that now we have thousands more on our side fighting with us. I understand that he's been through a lot, but he has to open up eventually. He has to talk about it.'

'Buffy, you can't force him. He'll come to you when he's ready.' Giles assured her.

'But it's not doing him any good to not talk about it. Giles, I want to help him but I can't if I don't know.'

'I understand Buffy, but it's more complicated. You know that. Just give him some time.' Buffy sighed and accepted Giles' reasoning. She slowly climbed to her feet and left the room. She headed back to her own room, opposite Angel's down the hall. She closed the door behind her and disappeared.


	5. Chapter 5

A Distant Angel 5

Author's Note: This takes place another three months after the previous chapter. I'm looking for some more reviews, and thanks to all the people who have reviewed so far.

Angel lay on the bed in his room, when he heard a knock at the door. 'It's open.' He called. It creaked as Buffy pushed it open, stepped inside then closed it again. Angel sat up, and nervously folded back the covers so Buffy could sit down.

'Are you okay Angel?' Buffy asked.

'Yeah, I'm fine. How are you?'

'I'm good.' Buffy slowly wandered over and took a seat next to Angel on the bed. 'Do you remember a few months ago when I asked you what happened back in the alley where we found you?'

Angel turned away. 'Yes.'

'Are you ready to talk yet?' Buffy was calm and friendly, not trying to force him to talk.

'I think…' Angel began. '…I think I can try.'

'For me, Angel?' Buffy pleaded sweetly. Angel nodded and looked her in the eyes.

'Buffy, It might paint a picture in your head that isn't pleasant. It was a horrible night, the rain pouring down, soaking us through to our skin. There were four of us against an army of thousands, and I'm still surprised that we won.'

'Angel, you did. And you did so well. When we found you though… you weren't doing so good.'

'I remember being hurled into a building about halfway through the fight. I broke the wall as I was thrown through it, and I landed on the stone floor amongst a lot of rubble. A demon jumped in after me and we fought for a while in there. I was weakened, and he was stronger. He threw me into a corner, and then the roof collapsed. It crushed him, and he fell to dust and I remained in the corner, surrounded by rubble and debris for a while. Then I pushed it all away and stumbled over to the wall I'd come through.'

Angel paused for a moment, finally being able to get everything off his chest.

'I watched Gunn die at the hands of three demons. I watched Illyria fly past and into a brick wall that collapsed on top of her. But when I saw Spike, that was it. A demon ran up behind him and stuck a piece of wood through his chest. I called out to him and he heard me, then as we looked at each other he fell to dust. I couldn't do anything more. I backed into the corner and curled up. Some more of the building collapsed around me, but I did nothing. I stayed there, not moving, not breathing not doing anything except thinking about all of them dying in front of me. That's the last thing I remember. That night, it still haunts me. I still think of them all dying, and it breaks me up inside.'

There was silence for a minute while Buffy processed all of the information.

'Angel, now I understand why everything hurts so much. And because I understand, I can help you. Do you want me to help you through this?'

Angel nodded. 'Please… Please help me. It hurts so much, even now.'

'You have to let me tell the others, so they can help too. Will you let me?' Buffy asked, reasoning with herself as well as Angel.

'Yes. Just please help me. I need help.'

A/N: More soon, I promise.


	6. Chapter 6

A Distant Angel 6

Author's Note: Thanks for your reviews guys, and please, if you have any ideas drop me a line. I'll try and write your ideas into the story. :)

Buffy and Angel had spoke two hours ago about Angel's ordeal. She had asked permission to tell Giles and the others, and Angel has said yes. Now, they all stood in the kitchen as Buffy explained everything to them.

'Angel told me everything that he remembered from the alley that night.' Buffy began. Giles, Faith, Willow, Xander and Andrew looked on and listened intently to her words. They were as eager as Buffy to find out what had happened to Angel.

'Buffy, how did you get the information out of him? I thought you told me he wouldn't talk?' Giles enquired.

'Well, he talked.' Buffy replied. 'He told me about how he saw his friends die and how he couldn't stand to watch anymore. He backed into a corner and stayed there, surrounded by pieces of the building that had collapsed around him. As he was describing it, I could tell just how much the loss is chewing him up inside. We have to help him.'

'How exactly _are_ we going to help him?' Xander piped up. 'I mean, what exactly can we do for him?'

'I don't know, but I think a good place to start would be talking with him. Possibly one-on-one or as a group.' Giles suggested. Buffy rolled her eyes.

'It's not therapy Giles, we're trying to help him get through an extremely tender issue here.' She explained.

'I understand Buffy, but if we can get him to open up to all of us then he'll feel comfortable and be more willing to let us help him.'

'Also, he'll be able to help us to help him.' Willow added. Buffy smiled when she realised just how supportive her friends were. They genuinely wanted to help.

'Hey B, d'you reckon I could have a word with Angel?' Faith asked. She hadn't had a decent conversation with him since he was found in Los Angeles. She had passed him in the hall a few times and smiled, waved and said "hi". But other than that, there was no connection with him. Buffy nodded and Faith left the group to find Angel in his room.

She tapped softly three times on the door. 'Who is it?' Came Angel's voice from inside.

'It's Faith.' Angel heard shuffling inside before Angel opened the door and they stood, standing and staring at each other.

'Hi. Come on in.' Angel stepped back and allowed Faith to enter. He wandered over to his bed and sat down. Faith closed the door behind her and leant against the wall, fiddling nervously.

'So, how've you been?' she asked uncomfortably. Usually she was so easily able to speak with Angel, but she too had seen his condition first-hand and she knew that he was sensitive. So she waited, until now.

'I've been good Faith, thanks for asking. You?' Angel responded.

'Yeah, I've been better I suppose. Just been keeping up with the demon fighting. Things seem to be getting back to normal now here, so it's a pretty good and easy life now.'

'How's the world outside?' Angel asked. 'I haven't been out in so long.'

'Yeah, it's been about two years now. How can anyone stay inside for that long?' Faith tried to crack a weak joke to lighten up the conversation, and Angel picked it up and smiled in response.

'I can.' He said. 'So, what's up?'

'Oh, nothing. Just came to see you. I mean, I've barely spoke to you since we found you.' Faith told him.

'Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I've just been kind of struggling and coming to terms with things. Did Buffy…?'

'Oh, yeah. She told us a little while ago. That's when I decided that now should be the time I come to visit. They're all planning some big group therapy thing for you, sounds like fun. You in?'

'I don't do crowds, you should know that Faith.' They both exchanged small humorous lines to try and keep things easy-going and flowing, and it seemed to make them both more relaxed.

'Yeah, right.' Faith recalled. 'Should've known.' She smiled and wandered over to the bed. She sat down next to Angel, turned sideways to face him and crossed her legs.

Angel turned to face her. 'I really appreciate you coming to see me Faith.' He told her.

'You know that you can trust me, right? I mean, if you need to spill anything off your chest I'm willing to be the open ears.'

'Thanks Faith, but I already told everything to Buffy. She's told you, so now I just want to have a rest. Vampire do sleep you know.'

'Oh right, sorry. Uh, I'll go join the others then.' Faith quickly got up and made her way to the door. Angel jumped up, realising he may have been too hasty to let her go just now.

'Faith.' He beat her to the door and blocked it so she couldn't get out. Realising his positioning, he stepped cautiously away from the door.

'Yeah?' Faith replied.

'Um, you can stay if you want. I mean, for a little while. If you really want to know what happened, I can tell you.'

'I don't want to intrude.' Faith told him.

'You're not intruding. Really, if you want to stay then you can. I won't make you leave; it's just that I'm having trouble re-adjusting to life again. Things are hard.' Angel wandered back over to his bed and stood looking at the painting of a woman standing in amongst assorted bushes and shrubs in a rainforest setting hanging over it.

'You know, I found life hard to adjust to when I came to you all those years ago. I wanted things to be simple, but they aren't. If there's one thing that you've taught me Angel, it's that life is not what you expect it to be like. There are things you don't like, things you find hard and then there are the things you're fighting for that seem so far away. But Angel, you also taught me to keep fighting, to keep moving on with life. I'm not saying that you need to move on, I'm just saying that maybe you shouldn't hold onto these memories so tightly. You need to let go of them, even just a little so you can get better.'

Angel smiled. 'I don't need to get better; there's nothing wrong with me. I just need to be able to live and not worry about Gunn and Spike and Illyria and Wesley and even Lorne, who's still out there somewhere. I need to be able to do things normally again, to be able to live like I did before this all happened.'

'That's not going to be easy.' Faith assured him regrettably.

'I know, but it's all I can do. I have to be able to at least try and support myself without people worrying about me so much.'

Faith tried to hide the fact that Angel was right. And Angel saw her expression change.

'Faith, come on. It's alright, really. I just need time to work through things.' Angel assured her.

'You wanna start by telling me what happened back there?' Faith suggested. Angel nodded, and began the explanation to Faith that he had given to Buffy a little over two hours earlier.

They spent the next half an hour talking and even laughing at the little things that bothered them. Then there was a knock at the door.

A/N: Can you guess who's at the door? Come on, one guess! I'll update soon. :)


	7. Chapter 7

A Distant Angel 7

Author's Note: Thanks for all your kind reviews; I'm glad so many people like this piece of fiction. I liked some of the ideas that came in for who was at the door, some people said it was Connor. Just so you know, there's a twist with this. And here it is.

Angel got up and walked over to the door, thinking that it was just Buffy. 'Yeah?' he called.

'Angel?' It was Giles. 'There's someone here to see you.' Angel opened the door, to find Giles standing alone outside. He turned back to Faith. She followed. Giles led them both to the living room where Angel saw everyone was talking to a man sitting with his back to Angel, Giles and Faith.

He had a brown leather coat, brown hair tipped with a golden-orange colour and he was leaning forward talking to Buffy, Willow and Xander. He suddenly turned around and Angel recognised him instantly.

'Lorne.' He was shocked, surprised and shaken up by the return of a friend he thought was long gone.

'Angel-cakes.' Lorne walked over and hugged him, and Angels slowly raised his arms to hug his friend back. They parted and held each other's stare.

'What are you doing here? How did you find me?' Angel fired the questions without hesitation.

'It takes a lot of work to track down a Slayer who's good on keeping her location secret.' He replied. 'I had a contact track down young Faith here, and he led me to her, where I figured that you'd be. That is, if you were still alive.' His expression changed to grim and quite reserved, and Angel smiled. Lorne looked at him, puzzled.

'I've been fine Lorne, really. And after talking about my issues with Faith and Buffy, I think I'm okay now. You don't have to be all sad and mopey, what I really need is for you to be strong and not drag me down.'

'You never were much for subtle words Angel.' Lorne said as the others joined them by their sides.

'So, you're okay now?' Willow asked cautiously.

'Yeah, I think so. I talked through things with Buffy and Faith, and I don't think that the wounds are as deep anymore. I'll never forget them, Wesley, Gunn, and Illyria. They'll always be in my heart, as will Doyle, Cordelia and Fred. The people I've lost will always be with me, as long as I let them stay.'

Angel's deep and meaningful speech touched the hearts of all those in the room.

'So, is there anything you want to do now Angel?' Lorne asked.

'Yeah, as a matter of fact there is. I want to go outside.' The small group filed out the back door and into the cool air of the evening. Angel was last to walk outside, and everybody stood back to let him do what he needed to do.

The sun had set, and all that remained was a faith orange glow over the buildings where the sun's beams began to fade. Angel looked around at his friends, knowing that they all cared for him.

'Thanks.' He said.

'Glad we could help.' Xander answered.

'Anytime.' Giles added.

'Hey Angel-cakes, isn't there someone that you want to see? A certain _child_?' Lorne asked.

'Connor.' Angel said simply. 'God, where would he be? I wouldn't even know where to start looking.'

'Angel, we'll go tomorrow. I got myself a van.' Lorne said, grinning. Angel grinned back, loving the idea of Lorne in a van. Hilarious.

Angel longed to see his son, just to see if he was alright, if he survived. Tomorrow would be another day for Angel, just another day.

Author's Note: Aww. How nice, Angel's finally healed. And yeah, eventually he will find Connor cause in this world he's not dead. In some others, he is. Sadly. Reviews anyone?


	8. Chapter 8

A Distant Angel 8

Author's Note: In response to an anonymous review by "–J" I decided to write some more. I think that what "–J" was saying is that Lorne and Angel's conflict over everything that happened in NFA should be resolved, so here's a conversation by them.

Two days had passed, and still no Connor. Angel was beginning to wonder if he'd made it out alive. _He's Connor, my son; of course he's still alive_.

Angel and Lorne were sitting in the living room while everybody else was in the kitchen having lunch. There was an awkward silence that Angel hated. He wanted to talk to Lorne about everything that had happened, because he couldn't understand how Lorne felt until he'd said something and expressed his feelings.

'Lorne, I…' Angel began, wondering what he should say to finish the sentence.

'Angel, please.' Lorne threw back his words angrily. Angel looked on, perplexed. Lorne had suddenly changed his expression to serious and almost angry, and Angel understood why.

'Lorne, I'm sorry.'

'I don't understand why you did it all Angel, I really don't. What were you trying to achieve? Death? Power? You seemed pretty power-hungry when we first found out about your little plan.' Lorne snapped.

'Lorne, I can't justify what I did by trying to explain to you _why_ I did it. I just did what I thought was right, even though I knew that it meant the end of us all.'

'But it wasn't the end of us all, just the end of those who couldn't last as long as you.' Lorne wasn't impressed by Angel's stunt, and was showing it, finally.

'Lorne, you know that I knew I wasn't going to make it out. I went into this thinking exactly that…'

'Then why is it that you're still here?' Lorne interrupted. Angel paused.

'I don't know. It's been hard, trying to adjust to things again. Knowing what happened, I saw it all. I saw them all die, right in front of my eyes.'

Lorne softened when he saw that Angel was hurting trying to explain it to him. 'But that doesn't make it alright.' He said.

'I know, and I don't know what will. I don't think anything will ever make it right, because they're all gone. But I know one thing for sure, and that is that they knew what I was asking them to do and they were still willing to be a part of it. That, nobody can blame me for.'

'Angel, I don't blame you for their part in this, I just blame you for their deaths.' Lorne finished, and Angel looked up, clearly hurt from Lorne's words. A distressed expression crossed his face, and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes.

_I know this is my fault; that it's my fault that they're dead. I know that I am still alive, but why I don't know or understand. I hate that I can't figure this all out. I need them, here, to help work through this. I can't do this without them._

'Lorne, I know I can't say anything to you to make this easier. All I can say is that I'm sorry.'

'But is that enough?' Lorne retorted. 'Is it enough to keep us going, knowing that they all died because of something _you_ did?'

Angel had never known Lorne to be so upfront about his feelings. He was really letting loose at Angel about how he felt about everything that had happened.

'I don't know. I can't answer that question Lorne, I just can't. It's too much.' Angel quickly got to his feet and disappeared down the hall to his room.

Buffy and Giles emerged from the kitchen, seeing Lorne alone in the room. He sat quiet, reserved and in a chair in the far corner. Buffy knew that she'd left him alone with Angel, and instantly asked where he was.

'Went back to his room.' Lorne replied to her question.

'Is everything alright?' Giles asked.

'Confrontations were never Angel's area of expertise.' Lorne said.

'But is everything alright? With you? With him?' Buffy asked.

'I don't know.' Lorne answered.

'I'll go see him.' Buffy left the room, leaving Lorne alone with Giles. There was that awkward silence again. Down the hall, Buffy gently tapped on Angel's door.

'I just need to be alone.' Came his voice from inside.

'Angel, it's Buffy. Please, can I come in.'

'I need to be alone.' Came his response. In acceptance, Buffy sighed heavily and turned to leave. Angel's door remained closed, and once again he was left alone.

Author's Note: I hope that has levelled out some issues between Angel and Lorne. And yeah, the whole thing between Angel and Lorne in _A Distant Angel 7_ was fake, all a cover-up for how they really felt. There will be more of a conflict to come, I think. Next chapter, somebody you've all been waiting to return finally makes an appearance. Guess who.


	9. Chapter 9

A Distant Angel 9

Author's Note: Probably the last chapter, so here goes nothing! Reviews are most welcome, good or bad.

Buffy sat in the living room with Lorne and Giles as Willow and Xander joined them. 'So what happened?' Buffy asked suddenly, after a long period of silence.

'We had words.' Lorne replied.

'And…?'

'He left after we had words.'

'What did you talk about?' Giles asked.

'Touchy subject, rather not dwell if you don't mind.'

'We need to know, we can't help if you don't tell us everything you know.' Buffy said.

'Don't you think you've helped him enough?' Lorne said. 'I mean, come on, you've nurtured and cared for Angel since you found him, right?'

'Well…' Buffy stuttered.

'After what he did, I think he deserves to be left alone now. He doesn't need you to keep looking over his shoulder. Geez, he's got a couple of centuries on you darling, and you think you know what he needs? Just let him go out and find his son and be done with it. Let him go, leave him and get back to whatever it was you were doing before you came here.'

'Hey, you're out of line.' Willow stepped in.

'_Out of line_? Well, excuse me. I've been to Hell and back, thankfully not literally, but I've felt the lowest I've ever been these past two years. And who's fault is that? Angel's.'

'Angel has literally been to Hell and back, I know, I sent him there.' Buffy snapped at Lorne. 'Don't you go telling us that you've felt low, because you don't know what low is.'

'Angel killed the only true friends I ever had. They're dead because of him. He got _me_ to kill his enemy, to make it easier on himself.'

'You know that can't be true.' Giles interjected. 'Angel's not like that.'

'You obviously haven't been around him of late, have you?'

'Well, it doesn't matter what he's done, he's healing now. It's taken him this long to finally open up to us and to heal the wounds he has. _Emotional_ wounds, from losing his friends.' Buffy said to Lorne.

'And again, who's fault is it that they're dead? _His_, it's his fault that he's got no one left…' Lorne froze when he looked over Buffy's shoulder to see a dark figure standing in the hall.

It was Angel. He stepped out into the living room, a cold, hard stare directed at Lorne.

'I told you already Lorne, I'm sorry for what happened. Yeah, I know it's my fault that they're all dead, but they signed up for it. They agreed to be a part of it, so the burden doesn't rest fully on my shoulders, it was their choice. If _you_ didn't want to be a part of it, then you should have said something.'

'Oh come on Angel, do you think it was easy to say yes? It wasn't. There was the pressure of Wes, Gunn and Spike who had all raised their hands to say yes, and I couldn't turn it down. How would that make me look?'

'Image is everything Lorne, isn't that right?'

'Oh, don't start.'

'Lorne, I think it's time that you left.' Angel said sternly.

'Yeah, what on earth would I want to stay for?' Lorne replied coldly. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife, and Buffy, Giles, Xander and Willow could only look on in amazement of what was happening.

Lorne picked up his coat, which was lying on the arm of the couch beside him and put it on. Without saying a word, he moved towards the door.

'Well, it was nice meting you.' Willow said, trying to be polite and make the situation a little lighter.

'You too sweetheart, take care.' Lorne turned to face Angel as he stepped out the door. 'Oh and Angel, Connor's waiting in my van. I'll send him in.'

Angel's expression instantly changed. _God, all this time Lorne's hated me for what I did. Still, he found my son, my Connor._

'Thankyou.' Angel said, forgetting everything that had just happened. Lorne nodded as his final goodbye, never to see Angel again. They watched through the door as Lorne walked down the path to the front gate, and hopped into his van. The side door slid open, and Angel instantly recognised the boy who was now walking up to the door.

Connor. Angel stepped forward, walking towards the front door as he watched Connor make his way up. Xander held open the door as Connor stepped inside, and Willow smiled at him as he walked past.

'Hey.' He said back. Then he saw Angel.

'Connor.' Angel whispered. He quickly stepped up to his son and hugged him tightly. He would never usually do this in front of people, especially Buffy, but things were different. _He_ was different, and he was so glad to finally see his son.

'Hi Angel. How'd the apocalypse go?' Connor said to Angel, smiling.

'How do you think?' Angel pulled back out of the hug. 'Nice to see you son.' He hugged Connor again before stepping back.

'You too dad.'

'So how have you been?'

'Busy. I've been back to College now that the city is almost in order again. I passed with a B+.' Angel smiled proudly.

'I knew you were a smart one.' Angel rubbed his hair purposely the wrong way.

'Dad!' Connor complained.

'Sorry.' The two laughed off their silly little father-son antics just as Angel saw Lorne driving away. He looked over Connor's shoulder to see Lorne wave a simple goodbye to them. He probably didn't think they saw.

'You must be tired. Do you want a place to rest?' Angel offered.

'Yeah, if it's not too much trouble with your friends. Hi.' He said to the crowd of on-lookers gawking at him in the living room.

'It's not too much trouble.' Giles said quickly.

'This is Connor?' Buffy asked.

'Hi.' Connor said again.

'How have you been since I last saw you?' Willow asked.

'Good. Mostly I've been at College, but I've been spending time with my family too .' Connor replied.

'Angel?' Xander asked.

'No, my other family.' Angel hung his head in embarrassment.

'You don't have to worry about them anymore. I'll tell them that your father is taking you home now. We can get a nice place together, somewhere in the hills where there's lots of trees to shelter from the sun.' Angel suggested.

'Sounds nice dad. I'd like that. As long as we get a pool.' Connor agreed, laughing. Angel laughed too. Angel placed a hand on Connor's back and led him down the hall to his room.

He looked back over his shoulder as Connor entered his room, and smiled at his friends. They smiled back, and Angel disappeared into his room with his son.

Author's Note: It's done, it's finished, and it's over! Do you like? Tell me what you think; did I resolve all the issues?


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